I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
