Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
