I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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