shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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