I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is it because I queefed?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
