dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
