How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
