and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
