I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
