that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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