I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
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She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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