WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
