I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
