Got a toothbrush?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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