Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
