this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
