Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
