I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
