im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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