so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!