Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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