YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
