Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail