I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
