no, he came in my armpit
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
