last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
