I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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