even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
