"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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