He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
