if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
