I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
