the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
