I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
