i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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