i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
