I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
