why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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