my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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