You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize