If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
