Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
