she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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