I swear she didn't look like that last week.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
