those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
