she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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