I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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