those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
