forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
