i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
