Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
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I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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