i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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