just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
