dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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