You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
