well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
