I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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