How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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