yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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