Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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