hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
