Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
