Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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