Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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