she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
