You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
