you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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