i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
