Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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