Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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