Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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