the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
