I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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