Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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