I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
