Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
