Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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