i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
