so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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