She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just invented taco cereal.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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