are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
