she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
