Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
