We're facebook friends in real life
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My cat gives me a boner
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
