I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
