I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
