The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
