Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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