Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
