i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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