So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
